So I haven't updated in FOREVER... I guess I never have time. But this last week has been soooooo awesome... let me tell.

Wednesday had to have been, by far, the best day of my entire life. Keeli, Lauren, and I all went to the Gavin DeGraw concert in Raliegh. The show was ABSOLUTELY amazing, to say the very least. Afterwards, we all got to meet him. I got a picture with him and an autograph... AND he called me BEAUTIFUL and said "goodbye hunny." awwwwwwww I am so in love with him, it's not even funny... and I'm not lieing. I'm going to get my pictures developed today, so expect them to be posted tonight. AWWWW I can't wait.

Umm, Saturday was such a weird day. I had to work til like 4, then Emma, Josh, and I headed to Winston to go see coach carter and eat and what not. So we are sitting on Stratford and some guy rear-ended us. It was scary. No one got hurt immediately, but I woke up yesterday and my neck hurt real bad. Josh's truck didn't get damaged but the other guy's front end was screwed up kinda bad. Oh well. It wasn't Josh's fault.

Well, this week I have 24 hours at work... which means like 125 dollars after taxes. Today I am going to meet Josh for lunch, then go to the tanning bed, then go get pictures developed, then the bank, then get gas, then go to work. DAMN haha, long day ahead. I guess I should go.

ADIOS.

This entire weekend has been crap. So Friday night I got "grounded," if you will, and couldn't go anywhere. Then Saturday I worked til 9 and then went and saw Ocean's Twelve, but I ended up getting in trouble because I was real late getting home. So today I woke up sick and had a migrane. Of course you can depend on the parents to make you feel better by yelling at you all the time and trying to get under your skin.

So I'm ready for our next break. I have to work tomorrow... babysit friday, work saturday... but you know what... GAVIN IS WEDNESDAY!! And that makes everything alright. I can't wait. I am riding down there with Keeli, Lauren, and maybe Stef... there are other people going like Rachel and Katie and some more so it will be awesome. I can't wait... because I <3 <3 <3 Gavin. 

Yah that's it... ttyl

So I thought Tom did an excellent job last night talking about the New Year. He told us basically that if we inteed to keep our New Years Resolutions then we have to incorporate God into those goals. I never thought about that before because most of my goals are not huge, they are kinda trivial I suppose, definately nothing life-chaning, if you will.

I picked up afew extra hours at work this week which means more money for me. I have to file taxes this year too which will suck, kinda... or at least until I get my tax return! I think I'll get back like $200 which is awesome. I am starting to save my money because prom is coming up and that REALLY adds up, quickly.

Speaking of prom, I'm so excited. Who will I ask? haha jk, I know who I am asking... def. Ahh I can't wait. I am definately planning a girls day soon where we are going all over the place and trying on prom dresses and shoes and everything. I am so excited. AHHH. haha

Anyways, I'm out. ttyl

Last night I watched Anchorman and I have to admit that it was absolutely hilarious. Josh and I played some basketball and I definately beat him 3x in a row at horse... haha. The first time I think he let me win but I know by the third time he was actually trying haha! Oh well...

So tonight is New Years Eve... I can't wait for it to be over because I am kinda sick of the holidays and celebrating because it is all over rated.

I got my hair done and it looks darker because she had to add the natural color back in there, but it looks good and I like it. I wish it was blonder though but next time I go in (like March) she won't have to add anymore auburn.

So anyways, New Years Resolutions are these:
1. not drinking soda (I've gone almost a week so far)
2. lose a few lbs.... how many? Idk... but enough

So thats all I have, haha. the less I have the higher chance I have at actaully accomplishing them.

.bye.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Today has been such a wonderful day. It is so cool to see the entire family come together for one reason.

I hope Santa was good to you and remember the true reason why we celebrate Christmas.

God bless.

Last night I went over to Emma's. It was fun. Josh came too and I think I fell a little harder last night for him. But I'm taking my feelings so slow for him because I have been hurt so bad in the past and I'm determined not to have it happen again. I'm holding myself back some and I think it will work out better this way.

We got to talking about prom and such and I suppose I will ask Josh to go to East prom with me... I mean, I guess, I don't know. I have to start going to the gym and the tanning bed. I love talking about prom. I definately want a red dress... not too girly, I just want it beautiful and sexy... haha. I saw this one dress on TV on some celebrity and I absolutely loved it and now I have to get it... except a much cheaper version. I'm growing my hair out again.

Speaking of hair... I'm getting my highlighted Wednesday at 10... yay! It excites me because I love getting my hair done.

Today has been such a good day. Tomorrow is Christmas and I'm so excited! I went over to Lauren's this afternoon along with Keeli and Stef and we all exchanged gifts. I got so many awesome things. Stef got me this picture frame with like four different pictures in it. One of them has a picture of the entire group from SuperWow and she blocked out Nick's head... I have to admit it is absolutely hilarious. And then Lauren got my a shirt that is so me... it looks like its from a rock concert haha. And Keeli got my a scarf and some pj's, which I am wearing because they rock. Last night Josh and I exchanged presents and he got me only the flippin sweetest movie ever : Napoleon Dynamite. I watched it this morning with my family... they think I am weird.

But anyways, I must go...

MERRY CHRISTMAS and God Bless

So today I have my FINAL exam, which was AP English... and it was relatively easy, especially the essay, which was based on Julius Caesar, which I have already read and knew the persuavive measure we were suppose to analysis. Thanks Tut! Speaking of Shakespeare, I love his writings, they are so amazing. Emma got me "A midsummer nights dream" on DVD and I love it... his writing is outstanding. AND... I got an 87 on my PRE CALL EXAM!!! Yes, that is so exciting because that exam was very hard... the highest grade was a 94, I think, so I think I did well. But... I got a F on my AP History exam, but only one person passed... so I'm thinking extra credit? haha. I guess idk. I'm not going to think about school anymore because it is definately break.

This morning we had a youth meeting, except Ashley completely forgot so Stef, Matt, and I sat there and looked at pictures and did basically nothing for 30 minutes. Apparently Ashley was sick or something, idk. But she called me during my exam, and praise the lord my phone was off because usually I forget.

Anyways, my abs hurt because last night I did like 300 crunches and they are sore. Today I get to see Josh which is great because he went out of town and all. We have gone out for almost a month... its so weird because it definately does not feel like a month... it feels like a week or so.

So I came home early today because I only had one exam, and then I started messin around with my journal and it ended up looking like this. I like it, it's very simple. I'm trying to keep my life simple right now... no drama, no chaos... just relaxation. I'm starting to not care about anything haha...

Okay well I'm done for now, call me over the break, we will chill and what not.... 287-8503

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realized that I have been dwelling on the past wayyyyy too much. It's just time for me to move on and get over stupid petty things. I made a lot of choices that when I look back on, I wish I hadn't; I wish I had had more faith in things but you know, that's how I am, I'm stubborn and impatient. I regret choices I made and the way I handled certain things and the way I took everything the wrong way and directly to heart. But I'm a firm believer that everything is meant to be for some reason, everything is destined to happen, including the good and the bad. God doesn't close a door without opening a new one. God doesn't place someone in your life for the heck of it. Every person that entires your life teaches you a lesson, shows you something that you've never seen or heard or experienced - but that's the beauty of it... it's all unknown. So in a way, I taught myself not to hang on to things that can't be changed. The past is the past, whether you regret it, hate it, love it, want it back, whatever. It's there, forever, permantly, concrete... so instead of holding on to it, just move on. Make better memories with greater people for even bigger purposes.

                So this is odd,
                     the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
                     And nobody cares at all, 
                     and nobody cares at all.

                     So you buried all your lover's clothes
                     and burned the letters lover wrote, 
                     but it doesn't make it any better.
                     Does it make it any better?
                     And the plaster dented from your fist
                     in the hall where you had your first kiss
                     reminds you that the memories will fade.

                     So this is strange, 
                     our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
                     where nobody leads at all,
                     where nobody leads at all.

                     And the picture frames are facing down
                     and the ringing from this empty sound 
                     is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
                     And breathing is a foreign task
                     and thinking's just too much to ask
                     and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

                     This is incredible.
                     Starving, insatiable,
                     yes, this is love for the first time.
                     Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
                     Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
                     Well this is the last time.
                      - "The Brilliant Dance" by Dashboard Confessional

It has taken me forever to start updating this entry... It sat on my scree for like 30 minutes before I actually started typing it. So today is going to be so busy... this sucks. I have to go clean N'Style, because you know, that's my job. I'm about to go eat at Bojangles too.

Umm, then I have to work at Lowes... then go to youth and then come home and study for Pre-Cal... ahhh.

Josh is out of town til Tuesday... siggggh. I have like a million exams exams next week... okay so five but that's alot. Especially when all my exams are REALLY hard... like pre-cal, anatomy, ap english, french.... ahhh i hate schooooooool. I want Christmas to get here! I got josh a christmas gift... i hope he likes it.

okay i g2g

I can't wait for this week to be over. Tomorrow I have one of my hardest exams... AP History. But I'm very glad to get it over with. Monday I have Pre-Cal and Anatomy, again hard stuff. But from then on out it shouldn't be too hard. Christmas is so close its scary, and I still have to buy for two people. Ahhh! I don't know what to get my dad... probably like book stuff because he likes books.

So date my mom comes on next on MTV and I don't know why but I like this show. BUT... THE OC comes on tonight! HURRAY!! haha yes, I'm a nerd. josh is coming over too, thats cool right?

Umm... so I think I am going to go study because I am a nerd and I need to get an A in Hisory... so I will talk to you later.

So... my journal sucks. I hate it. Why do I update?

I want to go to a new school because I hate East. I hate everything about it, espeically Mrs. Tedder. No, but seriously, I don't care where I could go, anywhere would do. I'm not just saying this either because Josh goes to Glenn... I wouldn't even necessarily want to go to Glenn... just anywhere but East. I hate our school... there are so many minorities, so many fights, so many stupid damn people. I want to go to a Christian school. I use to when I was little, up until like 5th grade. I think the public school enviroment is so disgusting and degrading. Look at the people around us at school... I don't want to be grouped with them. I mean, if you are reading this, this isn't about you. It's just, I want a more positive personna at my school. I want to go to a school where talking about religion doesn't cause arguments. I want to get away from old memories. I want to meet new people. I just... want to get out.

Okay so I'm mad so here's a hate list...
I hate: school. research. typing. papers. teachers. english. trigonometry. JEEPS. jeep cherokees. enviromental science. mrs tedder. knights and knaves. the color green. buzzed hair. east. math teachers (excluding mrs branoff). drinking. drugs. infiniti. my pink room. April. May. October. February. 4. 7. 8. 12. 6. ahhhh I'll stop before I cry.

So I don't understand this agnostic principle. I mean, you either believe in God or you don't. I don't see how there is a a middle ground there. Oh well...

I'll never forget...

I'm kinda starting to think this whole journal thing is pointless. It's days like today when I don't know why I am updating, and I have nothing to really say that makes it pointless. I don't even think anyone reads this... oh well... I guess I'm just bored and need something to do.

So today I thought I had a good day, but thinking back now, it was actually kinda sucky. The stupid librarian yelled at me this morning, how gay. Then, it was just a grey, raining day. I had a migrane most of the day. But I did get some Christmas shopping done today.

I miss Josh. I know that sounds stupid but I only get to see him on the weekend and I only get to talk to him for a short time everynight... haha. I'm a loser, I know. But whatever, I like him.

I'm gunna go... wrap Christmas gifts.

I was going to sit here and critique the OC for a while but I decided not too. I am too lazy.

So I just drank this huge glass of water and I know I am going to have to pee real bad in the morning haha. But hey, at least I'm not drinking soda.

Umm, this entry is kinda pointless because I don't have much to discuss.

This weekend will suck. Very much. too much. ahhhh...

I am suppose to act Sunday at church, yay, it excites me. I <3 little kids. haha. and THEN I get to be in the dinner show, yay to that too.

One last thing, congrats to miss STEF!!!! because, well, just because! She knows why!!!!
caliangel3000: what if I ammeant to go to a nunnery?
caliangel3000: i cannot die a virgin jourdan!!!

hahaha, she makes me laugh hysterically.

Anyways, goodnight... sleep tight, my love.